Unless you are a man well versed at handling women and confident of your capabilities (in which case you couldn't be reading this) you probably hesitate to take the first step in actually approaching a woman, asking her out, dating her and then kissing her. You're asking yourself how to overcome fear.
You are scared. Scared she might say no to your face. Ridicule you or in some way insult or upset you. You are not sure she will smile and be delighted at being asked out by you.
But that is the reaction you want.
You want to be rid of the feeling of fear and be confident enough to approach any woman, ask her out and kiss her and touch her in ways that will drive her and you insane.
How to Overcome Fear: Understanding Fear
To understand how to overcome fear, you must understand fear. What is Fear ? Where does it come from? How can it affect you?
Fear can be thought of as an emotion that you anticipate (of pain -either emotional or physical—or danger) even before it has happened.
Fear lives in our minds and is unseen by anyone else. A fear of anything can grow until it can take over our lives and limit our behavior. But it is all in our minds. So if we stop to examine it closely and try to decide what exactly we are scared of, the fear itself will diminish and we can come up with a solution to the problem that caused the fear in the first place.
For example a person who fears rejection may hesitate to approach a woman and may perceive the slightest thing as a rebuff. Whereas it may not be the case.
So in his mind, he fears rejection and then he approaches a girl and when she says something that isn't totally positive, he perceives that to be as proof of further rejection.
So now the next time there is an opportunity to talk to a girl, the fear of rejection will be stronger and will color the way he will act and speak to that girl. And on and on, and each time the circle will get tighter and more
vicious ... till the man in question gives up on approaching a girl.
However there is a way out of it and it relates to adjusting your mind set to eliminate all destructive thoughts that lead to fear.
Eliminating Destructive Thoughts
How often have athletes spoken of how they imagine victory and then have it come true.
Can you imagine if you were to ask an athlete before a big even what his mind set was and he answered by saying 'Well, I expect to come last and lose and be humiliated and shamed by the crowd and my colleagues'!!!!!
Think how strange that would sound. And what would be your original reaction on hearing that ... your reaction would be, “then why are you entering the race if you are so sure you are going to lose. If you are so
sure you are going to lose then you will lose.”
Aah! See how clear it is when it is someone else who has these thoughts. And yet what do we do... Let's come back to our man who is scared of rejection.
Before he even goes near a woman, he knows how she will react. He can imagine her turning her head to give him a cold look or a frosty smile.
Bluntly refusing his advances and walking away, leaving him the butt of many a joke ... So what does he do, he approaches her with a mindset of 'Expecting Rejection' and that is what he gets.
The human mind as everyone repeatedly says, is a wondrous thing. If you program it for success it will succeed. If you program it for failure, it will deliver that too.
Eliminate Bad Habits
So the first step you have to take is stop thinking things like:
I am not handsome
I am not good looking
I am not rich
I don't have a fabulous car, job, whatever.
We have already established that you don't need any of this to pull a girl. Next,
How to Overcome Fear: Create New Habits
Chuck out all those thoughts that say:
I am sure she wouldn't talk to me.
She'll laugh at me.
She'll make fun of me.
I'll look like such a jerk if she says no to me.
You know the rest...
Try this mental exercise (takes about two minutes). Before going to sleep at night, lie on your bed at night and imagine a big high wall ahead of you. It's a nice big wall like the ones you might have in a prison (because aren't
your thoughts keeping you a prisoner too).
Now take every scrap on negative thought and chuck it over the wall. See them go. Every negative thought you ever had will transform itself into a bundle and will fly over the wall to disappear forever.
Throw Out Negative Thoughts
I am not handsome.
I am not good looking.
I am not rich.
I don't have a fabulous car, job, whatever.
I am shy ...
Okay stop there a moment. We didn't have shy before. But when you were doing the exercise, a hidden fear (I am shy) popped out of your mind and made it's way over the wall ... and you are surprised to find how big the
bundle is; which is directly related to how much the problem was (consciously or not) bothering you ...
How to Overcome Fear by Setting Yourself Free
Chuck all your fears over the wall and set yourself free.
In fact you can use this exercise to get rid of anything that is bothering you... quite often you'll be surprised to find that problems which you thought were almost non existent, are huge in your mind; whereas others don't really bother you all that much.
Now the next time you see a girl, you won't go, 'I am not rich ... I don't have this or that... She'll laugh at me...' because these thoughts will be out of your mind for all time.
I happen to be good friends with a man named Derek who happens to be an expert in approaching women. He studies the scientific and psychological reactions women have when men approach them in certain ways.
Special words can carry undetected power when spoken to women at the right moment. Meeting women for the first time is a sensitive process... and most guys have no idea what there words mean, and how critical it is to say
the right things at the right time.
Some how, through extensive research, my friend Derek has discovered some invisible scientific secrets that give men an unfair advantage when approaching women for the first time.
Derek has developed several incredible products that help guys with women, and when I reviewed his ebook on “Situational Opener Technology” I was blown away.
Becoming comfortable when approaching women takes practice, and requires a certain frame of mind, so let's focus on that now.